I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
