i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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