we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
