he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
