So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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