we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
