are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We left the knife in your bed.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
