I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
