IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
is it fun? or sober?
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