Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
