I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
