Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
