Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
