oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
