First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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