that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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