after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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