he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize