I bet he comes in French.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
