Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
