I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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