I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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