college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
