after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
