I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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