It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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