I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
