Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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