Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
