I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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