yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
