can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
