Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
