maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
