So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
