You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
How does it feel to date your dad?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
