I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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