Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
