its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
