I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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