Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
