We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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