This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
