There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
