I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
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im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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