Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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