the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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