I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
