great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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