Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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