Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
its not stalking. its research.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
