I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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