I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
