i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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