I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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