I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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