not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
