You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
