Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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