dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
