So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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