He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
