This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
