Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
