you would pick up someone in the library
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You've changed since you got that strap on
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
