the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
