so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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