...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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