I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
