I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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