You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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