Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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