you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
