Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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