I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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